


In the Abstract

by IAmANonnieMouse



Category: London Spy
Genre: Alex POV, Character Study, M/M, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 00:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10546678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse
Summary: When he’d thought about it in the past, it had always been in the distant abstract.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was at the chat tonight and beau mentioned that someone should write a fic about Alex being gay. And then I left the chat to go to bed, and while I was brushing my teeth, a sentence emerged from the shadows and kicked me in the head. And so I had to write it. Now I am going to bed. *nods* This was written in one mad rush, so it's a bit of a mess I assume. *shrugs* Character study type of thing?
> 
> Also rated T because it talks about sex? I don't really know what to rate this. *shrugs again*
> 
> I'm going to stop rambling now. If and when you find typos feel free to let me know so I can fix them! Thanks :)

When he’d thought about it in the past, it had always been in the distant abstract. There would be kisses, hands, skin. Closeness. Intimacy. It could be tender, it could be rough. He wasn’t sure which he wanted. He was still in the abstract; his emotions were too far away. But sex. Skin, breath, touch. Another person, another human. Pleasure, presumably.

That was how he had thought about it. In a strange hypothetical. Gender rarely entered the equation, because he was still in the abstract. Just having another person be that close to him, be like _that_ with him. He wanted it and feared it.

And then he met him. That time-tattered but vibrantly _alive_ figure in the early morning whose phone was in pieces in the street. Who said he was always okay, even when he obviously wasn’t.

And then he saw the man again, and the man was named Danny. And they ate and walked and talked, and Alex found he was starting to step out of the abstract. There would be hands. Danny’s hands. Long and thin and gentle but strong. There would be kisses. A faint tang of cigarette smoke, undoubtedly. There would be skin. Intimacy. _I understand._

Alex wanted it and feared it.

And then it was the night. And they talked and sat and looked. And kissed. And yes, cigarettes but also something else, something bittersweet and aching and _wanting_. And they touched. Skin on skin, smooth slide, indescribable sensation.

And then there was pain. Pain where there shouldn’t have been, he could tell by the cloud of emotion hovering over Danny’s shoulders as he watched Alex in the bath. _Did you imagine you’d spend the rest of your life alone?_

But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. The curl of Danny’s eyelash that he could only see when they shared the same air. The feeling of someone else pressed against him, different but the same. Lips, fingers, tongues. Two bodies merging as one. Danny.

He wanted it.

**Author's Note:**

> I am on [Tumblr.](http://iamanonniemouse.tumblr.com/)


End file.
